


Blackbird

by DullahanShadow



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Beatles song, Gen, M/M, Sastiel secret santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-07 22:23:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DullahanShadow/pseuds/DullahanShadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Sam saw an angel, he’d thought it was a dream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blackbird

**Author's Note:**

  * For [buticancarryyou](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=buticancarryyou).



To: buticancarryyou

Prompt: Cas heals Sam

The first time Sam saw an angel, he’d thought it was a dream.

Sam had a knack for getting into dangerous situations and making them a 100 times worse for himself. The fault to blame this time was his gangly, clumsy 16 year old legs with the tendency to trip and the wendigo trying to eat him. Sam would have added his dad to the list, John took the boys out on this hunt instead of letting Sam spend a quiet night in the motel doing homework. But after the earful he’d gotten just to get into the Impala he really  _didn’t_  want to even talk to his father. As Dad drove the Impala away from the forest and the flambéed wendigo Sam tried to listen to his family but heard half the conversation fading in and out of conscious and in pain to unconscious and completely oblivious. Lying in the backseat in pain and struggling to listen to his family talk, Sam was the definition of miserable. He was in pain and dammit he could be safe in the motel right now if his dad hadn’t insisted he come.

He thought he was dreaming. Or having some pain induced delusion, because a deep voice chided in his ear, “Try to be careful next time Sam.” It wasn’t Dad, though the tone was low enough, and it certainly wasn’t Dean. Sam opened his eyes blearily as whomever or whatever it was pressed two fingers to his injured arm, making the excruciating pain all but disappear. It was gone by the time Sam could see clearly, and his brother and dad didn’t seem to notice the apparent  _thing_  that had been… what? Hovering over Sam? Whatever it was… It freaked Sam out for more reasons than one. It wasn’t until he saw the black feather lying against the leather of the Impala that he clammed up from telling Dad and Dean. Sam blinked and attempted to pick it up with shaky (but completely healed) hands, it was shiny and lightweight, the bards sliding up as he slid a finger across it. It was beautiful.

Dean and Dad had fallen silent. Music filled the Impala.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night…_

Sam hadn’t meant to catch the flu at Stanford, but it wasn’t like he had the money to advert it. So here he was in bed running a 100 degree fever and alone in the apartment. Jess had gone out for a supply run, and Sam was groggy and miserable with his limbs feeling like lead and his head throbbing painfully. He hated getting sick. More importantly he hated getting sick 2 days before his biggest final.

If he could think properly he’d laugh, 2 years ago it was ghosts and monsters. Now it’s grades and tests. It’s everything Sam wanted (normalcy… safety…), still waiting for  _that_  to be yanked from him somehow. It always was.

Or maybe that was just his fevered head talking. Sam honestly didn’t know.

Two scorching hot fingers brushed along his forehead. He called out Jess’ name in confusion. But the calloused fingers that traced along his temple were not Jess and Sam, despite his delirium, knew that. And maybe he even knew who it was, a small hope of hopes that it was the angel he’d glimpsed in his dreams (not to sound corny or anything). Sam heard the voice again, teasing and low as usual. “The great Sam Winchester,” Sam could just see the smile on the angel’s face, “Taken down by a cold.” The fingers moved away and there was a fluttering of wings, but Sam was already in a deep, deep sleep.

When he woke he felt nearly 100 percent, and Jess asked if some birds had gotten in while she was away. Black feathers were strewn across the floor. Sam picked one up with a nostalgic smile, until the feather fell to pieces in his hand.

The feather had turned to ash.

  
_…_ _take these broken wings and learn to fly…_  


Sam knew the voice as soon as he heard it. He went up to Castiel, greeting him warmly, his eyes shining bright with wonder. He felt as though he was greeting an old friend. Castiel had helped him on many occasions. Not to mention saving Dean from Hell which he’d be eternally grateful for. His smile faltered as Castiel spoke.

Castiel didn’t know him.

He visited him again, this time Sam has a throbbing claw mark from a not so nice werewolf (were there  _nice_ werewolves even Madison had her…  _moments_ ), Dean couldn’t stand being around him for more than an hour, feeling a mix of animosity and fear towards Sam and his life choices (for lack of a better term). Sam knew it wasn’t the Castiel of now, the one who’d greeted him as the ‘boy with the demon blood’ while cupping his hands over Sam’s. This Castiel was from later, it makes Sam wonder what changed, why this Cas was his saving grace, and sure his injuries were minor things for the angel to fix up but the effort to heal him is still befuddling.

This Castiel’s face seemed to deteriorating right before his eyes. Sam stopped him before he could press his fingers to Sam’s injury. He asked him why he keeps healing him. Castiel responded with a smile (it’s almost creepy…) and said, “Because it’s the least I can do,” and completed his task. A flurry of ashen feathers the proof he’d been there at all.

_…All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise._

The Apocalypse was Sam’s fault and Sam’s alone, least that what he’d been told, it’s what he believed too so there was no point arguing it. That’s why his sacrifice, the leap he took, was done out of his free will and acceptance. It was the least he could do, he thought as he plummeted into the Cage for an eternity of torture from the archangels Lucifer and Michael.

He saw Castiel, true form and all, (he’s beautiful…) as he yanked something from Sam, then Cas is gone and Sam felt an emptiness he’s never felt, he felt weaker as he tried desperately to protect Adam from the furious screaming angels.

He’s never felt more alone.

A single singed feather fell at his feet.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night…_

Sam was so far gone by the time Castiel quelled the jolts of electricity running through his body. He was tired ( _so tired_ ), sleeping felt like one of those absurd dreams he had of being normal. Lucifer was still there, cackling at Sam’s misery singing ‘Stairway to Heaven’ over and over and  _over._ Sam was just so tired.

And then he wasn’t.

Castiel had saved him in so many ways, more ways than Sam could ever repay, he’s wrecked Sam too… but Sam forgave him because it was Cas and Sam would never stop caring about the angel, about seeing the beauty in him. Castiel healed every wound, he came when Sam needed him (really needed him), even when Sam didn’t know it himself. Sam watched in awe and confusion as he saw and heard no Lucifer only Castiel wearing the same mask of fear he had when he had first seen the delusion of Lucifer. He called out Castiel’s name, worried for his friend. Castiel only stared in fear.

Castiel had saved his body. He’d saved his mind. All Sam wanted to do was repay Cas somehow. He tried to approach him, give a hug of comfort (sorely overdue) but Cas recoiled from his touch. Sam let his arms fall, he let out a sad sigh and left with his brother, wincing as he heard Castiel’s screams.

There were no more feathers.

_…Take these sunken eyes and learn to see…_

Sam honestly hadn’t expected to see Castiel again, not as the Third Trial loomed ever closer, he’d said his goodbyes, pathetic as they were and that was that. He was a bit right in that way, he doesn’t see Castiel again, not as he once was, human Castiel is different. He’s every bit of Cas, still clumsy with social graces, still quirky and Cas, but he’s not a safety net the Winchesters can use anymore and Sam is okay with that. Castiel had always been more than a Band-Aid to them, even if Dean would never say so. Castiel had given up so much for them, he could understand why he now needed to find his own. Hell, Sam really  _understood_ that. He’d been the same way.

Still, seeing him less than usual was disappointing. He missed Cas. He worried about him. He wanted to check up on his friend. (Least he could do…) And every time he saw Cas it was almost like watching a movie, like he wasn’t really there, he had felt like that a lot ever since the Trials.

Sam didn’t get much downtime with Cas and then the gaps of time began piling up. A lot had happened since the falling of the angels, and Abaddon rearing her ugly head and yet Sam felt like he was missing it and that scared him.

He’d intended to die to save the world, he didn’t, but he doesn’t feel like he’s  _in_  the world anymore.

When he finally does talk to Cas, free from an angel’s control and mourning the loss of Kevin ( _it’s his fault!_ ) and refusing to speak a word to Dean, Cas offered to heal him from his pain. Sam stopped him, because he’s done being fixed up, being a problem needing repair… that of course was never Castiel’s intent, all the same it felt that way. Sam stopped him. And told him he’d done enough and he was fine. He’d healed him in every way imaginable. Sam needed Castiel to be here because he wanted to.

Castiel was his saving grace. But Sam didn’t need to be saved anymore.

_…All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free._

**Author's Note:**

> So, tadah! I hope you liked it. ^_^ The out of time Cas’s were approximately during season 6 era. And I sort of touched on Castiel’s fall from grace/heaven (with the feathers) but I don’t know if anyone caught onto that… and um OH! Writing a companion piece in Cas’ view. Idk when it’ll be done but it’ll be done. ^-^ Have a good rest of you winter season! (Disclaimer, Beatles own ‘Blackbird’ Led Zep ‘Stairway to Heaven’ and Sam and Cas the Supernatural peeps. :D And thank you to my lovely beta and best friend Winnie. You are spectacular dear.)


End file.
